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[ 1:06pm | Sep 12th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 dirty |
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Ok yeah i know its been months since i have updated
but i have a life lol
and no time to actually keep up an online journal
so lets figure out what to update on
im done with school
i got my diploma!!! fuck yes
i am done with highschool and for now i am working full time at walmart in walpole so that is where i spend 5 days of the week now lol
good money though
otherwise minus chillen with friends thaTS IT
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[ 7:10am | Jul 14th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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None |
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Is there anything to really truly update on?
for once i think there are several things
................
Ok lets start with work
i got the job at hollywood video a few weeks ago, so lately i have been working
i usually get the 4-12:30 shifts or the 5-1 shifts and in all honesty it really really sucks... thats to late to be working in my opinion. i bet your wondering who would come in at midnight and rent movies? you'd be surprised on how many people actually do.
But yeah i actually like the job
the people i work with are wicked nice and i feel comfortable there. plus as a bonus i get 3 free rentals whenever i want (At a time) which is kickass. no more paying for movies for me:)
Summer school also started on the 11th of july:/ it's 8-12 (since i am taking 2 classes :english and math:) every monday-thursday thank god we don't have it on friday,saturday or sunday otherwise i'd be rip shit.
Summer school's not going to bad,i at least have people in it that i know and like which is a plus and i keep telling myself that after this month i get my diploma so it is well worth it!
Other updates:
Me and lex are going to ozzfest friday:) should be fun
warp tour is a month from tomorrow i can't wait to go to that either
i am getting 2 possibly 3 new piercings most likely on saturday which i am really looking foward to
lately there has'nt been alot of drama minus the cell phone incident between 3 of my friends.... lets just say a's cell phone got smashed into peices by M and J but M is being held Responsible because J won't admit it... something like that . i am not really going to get into the whole thing right now because yeah i have to leave in 10 mins to go to school lol!
i'm off
like a dress after prom
Lataz
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[ 1:31pm | Jul 1st, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
] |
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music |
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sugar we're going down - falloutboy |
] |
HAppy juLY and shit like that
i know i never update anymore but i do have a life
so that proves most difficult considering i am never home
but yeah these last few weeks have been interesting
Lots of hanging out with my friends which is a plus
i got a bf - and then dumped him cuz he's a prick
the most drama i have had in a while was the other day when my next door neighbor almost hit my x with her car and then flipped out on us and started swearing and calling me a "fat gothic bitch" which im not gothic, maybe a bit chubby but not fat. shes fucking 27 years old and she was argueing with kids ranging from 14-21
how fucking pathetic is that?
needless to say the cops came and we were asked to leave
then we went to the res
and were hanging around
then the cops showed up there so we hid in the bushes
and jason (my x) started talking to us and the cops found us and made us come out of the bushes and they were the same cops from my house earlier that day.
it was so fucked up
but then i stayed over lex's with her and steph and it was fun.
Work is good so far
hollywood video of norwood
3 free rentals every day, not bad at all
decent pay 2.
ok this is enough of an update
i gotta go
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| wowww |
[ 11:25pm | Jun 14th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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Wow
way to update my livejournal and shit
it's been like what almost 2 weeks since my last entry???
sweet! that means i have a life and junk:-P
nothing to update on really which always seems to be the case now doesnt it?
just alot of hanging around and shit
thats really
totally it
minus the fact that now that i am not in school anymore im bored off my ass
so yeah
sweet deal
later people!
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[ 10:09am | Jun 1st, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
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music |
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Every heart - inuyasha |
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Ok so yeah it's been a while since i have updated in my shit ass journal but im never home anymore so cut me some slack ok?
This past weekend (the 3 day one) was full of so much fucking drama im not gonna completely get into it so lets just say it involved
.watching after a shitfaced friend
.throwing up from stress
.crying because we were afraid for one of our friends (once again not gonna explain that)
.Fist fight between 2 of my really good friends
So yeah as you can tell i have been busy
friday night was cool though
hung out with melanie,nina,blaise,jon,chelsea,justin,pat,and a shit load of other people
it was really cool
then friday night i stayed over justins house with melanie and pat
we wont talk about that either.
Schools over and done with
im fucking psyched
thats really all for now
<3
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| my newly written poetry comment and give opinions if you want |
[ 11:33pm | May 22nd, 2005 ] |
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As i gaze upon my wrists
the scars
like secrets with a twist
lay faded
jagged
But you insist
that they mean nothing
that they are
P
o
i
n
t
l
e
s
s
meaningless, like your love for me
these scars
are here to remind me
that when i needed you the most
you were not here
you were not near me
to save me
from
M
y
s
e
l
f
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| long entry |
[ 9:51pm | May 11th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Vanessa carlton - white houses |
] |
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
Chorus:
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
This is how i am really feeling right now, i mean come on i really have made my mistakes over and over and over again, i seem to always be able to dig myself deeper and deeper into a hole i will never truly get out of ever. Exspecially recently.
Everything that has happend over the last year is slowly tearing me apart piece by fucking piece, at this rate there will be nothing left of me but ripped up shreds of who i used to be, i dont care who reads this lj entry and if anyone (which i know will happen) will try to use this against me, i honestly dont give a flying fuck anymore do what you want and have fun i just need to get all of this stuff out before i explode. I should be happy i really should i am almost done with school for good and i have alot of great friends who i hang out with constantly but in all honesty when i hang out with them... yes i'm happy but i can be in a room full of people who i care about and who care about me and i can feel so completely helpless and alone...... i dont know why. I mean my friends mean everything to me but there are points where i look at how many friends i have and wonder if they really like me or if they just hang out with me because they feel sorry for me, i was so used to being made fun of and not having friends until the end of 8th grade when i met my first real friend amanda, and i question everyones liking for me everyday.... i guess i will always be paranoid like that, its just that i cant really help how i feel. I am getting more and more depressed lately enough where i have thought of killing myself several times, added to the other amounts of times i have thought about suicide thats just a whole lot of shit. The one good thing is i am to chicken shit to really do it, i just dont know how much more i can take before i cross that line between can't and did. It's deep down stuff that i am struggling with everyday that makes me feel worthless and depressed. It's my relationship with my mom that is slowly fucking up even more than it used to, enough where the day i graduate shes kicking me out and never wants me back at the house again. It's the way i think and feel about myself, like how i look.... i have never thought i was the least bit attractive and still dont, i feel worthless,useless and helpless i just wish it would all stop. And there is also the fact that i think i will never truly find the person i am meant to be with, that i will always be alone and that no one will ever like me for the true me. I mean i thought my latest boyfriend shawn did but look at what happend, we lasted a week... and deep down i think it has something to do with me.
Added to that, there is so much drama everywhere i go it just builds up and causes so much shit involving my friends or between my friends and i just cant take it, none of us are really in any position to deal with it, sooner or later we are all going to break down and it will most likely start with me. I started cutting again, i lasted almost 3 fucking months without doing it and now i fucking blew it. at least its not on my arms where people can see, i have taken more towards the back and legs (inner thighs) it's easier to hide from teachers and shrinks
I just need to find a way to deal before i get any worse
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[ 1:00pm | May 11th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF DRAMA
HOW ABOUT EVERYONE JUST DOES ME A FAVOR AND STOP INVITING ME INTO DRAMA OR CAUSING DRAMA TOWARDS ME AND MY FRIENDS!!
sorry this post is only to a few people so dont worry
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[ 11:22am | May 8th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 content |
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psssssh
oh so much drama...not that it's not expected in the group i have. somehow drama is just drawn to us
*Woopdee fucking doo*
But anyway... i skipped school friday and then the fucking school called my house and my mom found out
now i am grounded till god only knows when
i was supposed to be grounded for next weekend but i cant be because next weekend i have alot of plans
Friday - Stoughton prom
Saturday - Beach most likely with the squad
Sunday - Movies with people
So then my mom got all pissy at me because she said i was being a disrespectful bitch and then i called her and my papa a dick and she kicked me out of the house
but now i am back in the house because she is not here so woo!
Anyway
Friday - went down to the lake with the squad. the drama came from the whole m/lex thing and mike m getting involved in it and then people getting pissed off. long story short julio left mike at the lake and he walked a half hour from the lake to my house and was there until julio picked him up.
DRama day #1
Saturday - Drama between steph merrit and julio +steph merrits x gary... fucking pointless drama and then julio got kicked outta shaws because orlando's a dick and said he'd get him arrested if he showed up near shaws again
Stupid drama
but hey todays sunday
no drama as of yet...hopefully there wont be any period but hey who knows
<3
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[ 1:18am | May 7th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 working |
] |
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music |
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just shoot me playing on tv |
] |
Hello to all my lovely lovely livejournal people. not much to update on here just the fact that it is 1:20 in the morning and i am still wide awake when i should be asleep which is
- Really bad because i need sleep
- Sucky because theres nothing to do except type on the comp because my mom is watching the tv and is hogging it and wont let my watch anything.
- So yeah thats really it
this was a very very pointless update minus the newly added fact that i am so stressed out about so many things.
SOMEONE PLEASE JUST SPORK ME AND GET IT OVER WITH
RIGHT LEX?
love
<3
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| *Mini Update during school* |
[ 1:14pm | May 2nd, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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satisfied |
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music |
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lion king movie |
] |
Ok so my right ear is finally an 8 gauge and now has the 8 gauge plug in it
it looks so cool (you can see through my ear)
which both freaks people out and entertains them
my left ear is probobly a 12 right now so i am slowly slipping the 8 gauge taper i have in to the 12 gauge hole.
it will probobly take a few days for the whole taper to be in
my left ear is meeting some resistance which is mildly uncomfortable and sort of painful
but i like pain for some odd reason so im fine with that.
I SAW TY TODAY!
he came into guidance and i gave him a hug and took a picture of him
he updated me on everything and holy shit he bought new clothes:)
haha lex will be thrilled with that since we have been talking about taking him shopping for the longest time since his shirts/hoodies always seem to be way to short on him... the same with his pants
he looked good 2day:)
He gets to stay at school because apparently he is going to be living with brian bucanan or however the fuck you spell his name
this is not a good thing
it may be a good thing for him because him and brian are friends but not so good for me,alexis,steph,jackie and julio because we all have major problems with him.
Last night was interesting
the squad had what we call "door to door driveby's"
We went to allies house first
long story short none of us are friends with allie anymore and she only has one friend now (not counting her mommy)
and we found out that allie is major chicken shit, she wouldnt even leave her doorstep and come outside to talk to us...hahahaha it was funny.
Then we went to brian bucanans house
and we told him to stop saying shit about Lex and her religion
all he kept saying was "dont ever fucking come to my house again"
and "i'll say whatever the fuck i want"
He's chicken shit too, and trash because he hits girls which is fucking low
but whatever.
Im going to stoughton prom with my friend mike which should be fun i guess
not sure though
i hate proms/dances... i always feel wierd when i go to them (no clue why)
Oh well
Gotta jet
WELLNESS TIME! WOO *Severe sarcasm*
<3
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[ 11:06am | Apr 30th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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frustrated |
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music |
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My chemical romance - im not ok (i promise) |
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Not much to update on i guess
i mean come on is there ever enough to update on?
friday at school was so fucking pointless
heres how my day went
1)first block i went to chorus and sang stupid songs
2)long block study-went into the gym to get ready to find out if i could donate blood for the red cross blood drive.
come to find out i could so i was on the little table they put you on to lay down while the take your blood
i had to rn's looking at the veins on both of my arms
and the one on my right arm said "she has a good vein in here but it's really deep so we are going to have to use a bigger/longer needle and go down deep"
she said this like i wasnt even laying there
i was thinking holy fucking shit
so whatever they set up everything and hooked up the blood bag.
it wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be the only thing that really hurt was the needle going in thats really it
my friends chelsea and michelle stayed to cheer me up
it was so cool to see my blood come out of my veins like that lol.
so i was in there from 2nd block till the end of 5th
so in total i went to two classes
thats really it.
after they took the pint of blood i felt so unbelieveably lightheaded it sucked so bad, i thought i was gonna throw up to tell you the truth
and then yesterday went to mad maggies and fooled around there for a bit.
then back home to meet up with lex and julio.
so much drama yesterday even more than usual
if you really wanna know about it just ask me cuz im not gonna explain it all here
lets just say im worried about ty
more than i ever have been before
alright gotta jet
more soon
<3
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| insomnia induced update |
[ 1:06am | Apr 26th, 2005 ] |
| [ |
mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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senses fail - choke on this |
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Vacation was awesome
was barely ever home and when i was home i had friends over
i love my squad:)
we hung out basically every day and we did random shit as usual.
The whole group got piercings done
me-eyebrow
mike v-eyebrow
Lexis-tongue
julio-tongue
steph-tongue
it was so cool this dude macho came to my house and did the piercings in my kitchen
he was very professional and clean plus the prices were great
20 bucks to get my eyebrow pierced:) it would have cost 35 at pins and needles so i saved 15 bucks.
this vacation was pretty much drama free minus that saturday night with the alcohol and cops +random run ins with people none of us can stand
and the usual drama with allie which everyone is so sick of
shes gonna treat all of us like this and realize that she has no friends left
but whatever its her loss not ours? i dunno
thats really all i have to update on
im stressed out to the point of breaking
for obvious reasons and not so obvious reasons
and oddly enough vacarro is saving my sanity piece by piece
he's a great friend + so is lex
they are two of the few people i feel comfortable telling everything to.
gotta jet
need sleep
<3
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[ 3:29pm | Apr 17th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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mellow |
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music |
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1800 east west theme on radio lol |
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Alright so this is a mini update (sorta)
Met Shawn
1)hooked up with him
2)Like him
3)Like his personality
so yeah im happy
we are sorta dating but not really sure where any of this is going yet honestly
i am so confused but w/e
yeah so buncha ppl showed up at my house last night
with alcohol,weed,and alotta shit
some shitty things happend
1)my friend mike got so shit faced he passed out
2)my friend T took kp's and mixed them with alcohol and almost died
he spent most of the night vomiting up his stomache contents and tripping badly but he is better now so thats good
3)cops got a noise complaint so they came in and saw that T was drunk but they couldnt do shit because he had a fake id saying he was 22 and he was the only one in the house at that time that was fucked so nothing bad happend thank god.
4)Some kid named mario tried to get my friend allie to give him head (mind you i think hes fucking trash) because he took her upstairs when she was shitfaced and almost falling over. i mean he literally had to carry her up the stairs
ugh so my weekend was fucking eventful as hell as you can tell
im so mentally mind fucked right now but whatever
i'll deal
<3xoxo<3
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[ 12:31pm | Apr 13th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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ditzy |
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music |
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none |
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Your punk rock band name is The Happy Slinky
Your movie star name is Strawberries Warren
OOOOh i like those hehe:-P
Anywho
Alot has been going on lately i guess (maybe i dunno)
I have been talking to this kid shawn who my friend traci is trying to set me up with
we havent met yet
But we have been talking for a few days (3 hours or more everyday since we first started)
I like him alot
which is wierd cuz we havent even met face 2 face
Im so afraid that because i hate the way i look (meaning since im chubby and i dont think im pretty)
that he will think that as well
But oh well, he said looks dont matter to him (and my friend melissa (aka his x) says hes not lying)
But hey i'll post my picture and you can be the judge of that i guess
Everyone tells me im cute buy im soooo freiken self contious that i never believe them
oh well
we shall see what happends
more later i guess
xoxo
manda
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[ 1:07pm | Apr 8th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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father of mine -everclear |
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Eh sebbie is a dickwad as usual but he wont admit it
and oh yeah chelsea is cool beans
hehe
lots of plans this weekend
update after they are done
<3
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[ 12:21pm | Apr 4th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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stressed |
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music |
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Degrassi stuff |
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~*I don't know if you'll forgive me for being so blind to how you felt. Don't ask me why I couldn't see it and that it'd take me years to figure out. And that's not something I know much about, but there's only one way to find out. Yeeeaaahhhh. What I know is that I hurt you oh, what I know is that I sucked and what I know is that I'm sorry. What I know is that I'm a loser and yeaahh what I know is that I screwed up and then I never earned your trust. What I know is that everything I touch just turns to dust*~
--Downtown sasquatch (Degrassi) Dust--
~*You say it doesn't matter, it's all in the past, but pain doesn't show, t's disguised by it's mask. I can't pretend to forgive and forget. Gonna make the day you met me, a day you'll regret. Cuz you're the dust in my eye, you're the rock in my shoe. Yeah, you lie, lie, lie. Better watch what you say cuz I'm on to you, Mr. Nice guy! Ooohh Mr. Nice guy! You're so nice*~
--Hell hath no fury (degrassi) Mr. nice guy--
~*Something 'bout the way you shine When the lights go out I wanna make you mine Something 'bout the way it seems You're always here.. In my dreams When no ones there, No i'm not scared Because i'm in love....With you*~
--Craig's song (degrassi)--
I love degrassi as if you cant tell
and i love those songs that i gave the lyrics to above
But anyway nothing new minus a huge huge huge case of stress over two people
whom im not gonna name here because of the whole drama factor...ohhh so much drama
I honestly dont know what to do about it but whatevs
i guess it will be figured out and hopefully solved in due time If not?
I am so so so screwed Mentally at least
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
I am so freiken bored and so tired all the time i need more things to do i guess or maybe
i should go for a run/and or walk everyday to relieve a great deal of my stress
Hopefully it works Guess i'll keep you all posted
.~.~.~
Amanda
.~.~.~
Ugh i miss Amanda m so much you have no idea
i wish she would come to school once and a while
or call me so i know how she is dealing with everything
She is one of my best friends (or at least she used to be)
I dont wanna lose her!
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[ 10:30am | Mar 31st, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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Senses fail - choke on this |
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I have come to so many conlusions (or rants call them what you will) recently so i suppose i should share them with you
1)I hate school more than i used to and most of the people in said school suck and are drama queens or like to start stupid bullshit stories just to get a rise out of people.
2)At times i severly dislike myself for some obvious reasons and for some not so obvious reasons that are most likely wierd little things that my brain thinks of.
3)I have a great group of friends. I have lost a few due to stupid shit and major things but in the end my real friends have stuck around ith me which makes me really happy ya know?
4)I got a solo in Les Miserables. I dont like my voice but apparently other people do, hey watcha gonna do just glad i got one even though i think other people should have gotten solo's 2 like Jamie,Melanie,and Melissa. and i honestly dont think that the grella's deserved the "on my own" solo
1) their voices are not srong enough for it
2)they go severly off pitch... but hey its not my decision its mrs. allisons
5)Chorus has so much more drama recently then the whole 4 highschool years i have taken it
1) their is dislike towards carole for reasons i have yet to try to figure out
2)Apparently one or two people dislike me (not sure from wether its chorus or acapella)
3)Since people send hate towards carole she sends it back (says she dislikes the people in either chorus or acapella who dont bathe?)
So much drama, its supposed to be about singing not petty bullshit
6) I have less than two months left
No more CHS hell hole:-P
Anyway emily stopped by chorus class yesterday and it was nice
it has been so long since i have seen her
it was a much needed visit
she should do it more often.
But anyway yeah
Friday going to walpole mall with Michelle and Hill and playing DDR plus picking up katrina's b-day gift
+Ash is coming down and staying over. this is messed i was supposed to visit family in Newhampshire this weekend which is why i was told i wasnt allowed to go to prom, now my mom cancelled which meant i could have gone but now its 2 late. Arggggh!
Saturday/part of sunday : Katrina's sleepover b-day party thingy mcthing
so yeah full weekend
update more later
<3
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[ 1:00pm | Mar 30th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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creative |
] |
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music |
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None |
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Not to to much to update on here
im grounded from online for a bunch of crap my mom said i didnt do but hey whatever floats her boat i will just go online here instead
But yeah
i got a solo for les miserables
not a big one and the end of it is with this other girl named allison but shes cool so its no big deal
carole got 2 big solos which people are pissed at because they think that it is unfair that she gets two of them and some people dont get any.
But Congrats to carole:)
The thing people are pissed about are the grellas getting the on my own solo
people dislike them alot
me including but oh well
gonna jet more updates soon
xoxo
Amanda
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[ 12:27pm | Mar 23rd, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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angry |
] |
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music |
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none |
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Ok so yeah the good mood that i started with at the beginning of the day today has worn off a long time ago
let me explain
the previous post was to my friend Sebastian who i fought with
who said some pretty hurtful things to me and lied,etc im not gonna explain all the bullshit
but anyway....
I am really pissed at him (i know i said i hated him)
but i might have been getting a little carried away there.
basically he told me that i have done nothing right,that he's sick of my shit
and that i am the reason he is partially depressed
and that he tried to commit suicide.
I cant take when someone says something like that because stupid me
I tend to believe every word of it and feel like shit afterwards
I'm sorry if i actually did cause that (which i dont think i did)
I know im a bitch
But watevs that is beside the point!
So theres another friend i can cross of my list i guess
Ugh this is getting freiken ridiculous
So now its
Amanda M cuz shes never at school,never talks to me and never hangs out with me
Katie M - just cuz ....
Matt F - Read my over the summer entries if u dont know about that already
Scott(MAtts bf) cuz of reasons that i am definitely not gonna get into
And people from the group that i dont even talk to anymore
Peter
Matt D
Joe
Brian
Ahhh this is lovely sooner or later im gonna end up with no friends but hey thats life i guess
ugh this entry is pissing me off but i had to write it because otherwise my mind will implode or explode eh take your pick.
i gotta jet
math class now
<3
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[ 10:19pm | Mar 22nd, 2005 ] |
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You know what Mavrides_Sj?
I fucking hate you
i never said i didnt cause half of the shit you said you caused it all
you piss me off and i piss you off so w/e its done
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[ 11:00am | Mar 21st, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
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*~Stolen from Any1every1~*
Ask me four questions. Any four, no matter how personal, dirty, private, or random. I have to answer them honestly (and possibly incoherently). In turn, you have to post this message in your own journal, and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you.
i cant believe i am posting this i am afraid of what people are gonna ask but whatever
i can take it! i can i promise :x hehe
^.^
Loves to all
xoxoxo
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[ 10:37pm | Mar 20th, 2005 ] |
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Join my two communities i created
Bodmodshowall - about piercings and body modifications
and my newest one
addmeaddme - to meet people from lj and make new friends:)
have fun with them lol
<3
<3
<3
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[ 9:04pm | Mar 20th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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techno mixes |
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Type your name using your ...
RIGHT HAND:amanda
LEFT HAND:amanda
NOSE:amanda
ELBOW:amanda....wow that was kinda difficult
TONGUE:amanda ewwww i dont even wanna know whats on that keyboard
CHIN:amanda
FEET:amanda
EYES CLOSED AND ONE FINGER:amandaa <---wtf lol
BACK OF YOUR HAND:amanda
PALM:amanda
MOUSE:amanda woot! copy and paste comes in handy once again
as you can see i have no fucking life
that was so pointless but meh
whatever its done now
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[ 9:37am | Mar 20th, 2005 ] |
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jubilant |
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music |
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shinedown - lacerated |
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BORED
BORED
BORED
BORED
BORED
jUST thought you all should know:-P
<3
<3
<3
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wasteofskin's journal